WOW - just WOW

I told Phil that I'm dating someone - (Remember him? If not, read the past journal entries - all of them!!!) - and it was by far the most nerve racking, most nervous moment, of my semi called life.

The boy wanted to visit - (Say WHAT???) - and I hadn't told him I was with Dre yet - (are you serious Jag! OMG!) - so I finally told him - (good! You should have told him back in March anyway!).

So after i told him, he mentioned some stuff that made me feel that he was secretly still in... um yeah... Love. Hhhhhmmm. Girls notice you know? He and I also go way back - frankly the longest friendship relationship I've had with a guy - and it feels good. I've also got Dre - and I'm so happy with him.

I've been thinking about a lot of things you know - and frankly whatever the future holds - i'm a little nervous. It's so unexpected and sometimes hard to believe.

My Aunt just got married and later on told me, "It felt like we were just playing. I don't feel married yet but maybe after the honeymoon reality will hit me - it hasn't hit me yet."

I talked to my mom about marriage and everything else - she told me the same thing - that after her wedding, she couldn't believe she was married already - when she was pregnant - she couldn't believe she was going to have a baby - and etc.

I don't know though - it's one of those moments when I just want to curl up in a ball and bury myself in a corner and cry my eyes out - too personal to inclue in this public journal - and for more than anything else in the world, I wish God would hold me tight and tell me everything is going to be all right.